January 1st.

Apologies for the sloppiness of this post. I just wanted to write here to say that I'm still alive, still 29 and fat, and that I'm determined to change my life this year. No more screwing around.

Okay. So before you all think I suck, a few days ago I was 191.6lbs. While that means I haven't exactly had a huge amount of success with losing weight since I started at the end of August, it still means that I've lost 14lbs in total. So that's where I was at a few days ago, right before Christmas.

Just weighed myself, and I'm 195.6lbs. I'm not particularly worried - I know that will drop back to what it was pretty quickly.

But yeah, not an amazing result, really. Certainly not worth having a blog about! Basically, I didn't try very hard. In the last few weeks I've had a really long, hard look at myself and I've finally started to deal with my underlying issues. Self esteem, self worth, confidence - all of that sort of thing. And my head is in a much better place now. I want to do this for me, because I deserve to have a healthy body. It's going to take a lot of effort, but aren't I worth it? It sort of saddens me to think of all my failed diet efforts before, because ultimately my failure meant that underneath it all, I didn't think I was worth the effort. At some point, I told myself "nah, I can't be bothered, just stay fat".

Anyway, we'll see how it goes this time. I don't want to sound all fired up and determined on here because well, I just need to DO it instead of writing a load of crap about it. I'm trying to do it properly this time, though. No more half-assed attempts. It's this or nothing. I'm 30 in August, and I have about 60lbs to lose (that will get me to 135lbs, which must be pretty close to my goal weight). I can totally do this.

My husband is in on this too - we're both going to go to the gym each week together, we're both going to be eating paleo (which kind of means eating a lot of protein from meat, and avoiding carbs unless they're from fruit or vegetables), and also sticking to a calorie limit. Hopefully if we support each other, we'll both get there in the end. I'm also going to do extra cardio a few times a week.

It sounds like a lot, but if I want to get this done, I have to stop being so lazy. I remember seeing so many forum threads on My Fitness Pal from people who started in January and actually stuck with it, and they had completely transformed themselves by the summer/autumn of that year. And I would just be sitting there looking at the photos, wishing I'd bothered to do the same.

Okay. That's all for now.