Greed

The last twenty-four hours have been a complete disaster, and now I feel fearful of stepping on the scales on Monday morning. My brother passed his driving test yesterday, and to celebrate we all went to a fancy pub for dinner last night. My 49 weekly WW Propoints have all been used up - I finished using them up last night at the pub, in fact - and then today I most definitely went over my usual limit of 29 points. This is what I had today:

• Bacon, egg and cheese bagel and hash brown and a small bottle of orange juice at Mcdonalds
• Skinny latte at Starbucks (ha!)
• Haddock and chips at the John Lewis cafe
• Cream soda
• HUGE plate of taco salad for dinner (it was HUGE).

So, I'm guessing that came to over 29 points. Probably more like 60. Ugh. And I was so pleased with myself yesterday for managing not to go too overboard at the pub. I knew I'd used up my weekly bonus Propoints, but I knew that all I had to do was stick to 29 points today, tomorrow and Sunday, and I'd have successfully completed my first week. And I'd have felt like I was entitled to see some weight loss on Monday.

But now I don't feel like that at all. I feel like I've blown it, and that I'll be starting all over again on Monday, back to square one. I can't handle any more square ones.

What I feel guilty about is that I didn't even tell M that I'd had that the Mcdonalds and the massive lunch when I got home. I should've just come clean and said that I'd used up my 29 points for the day already, and could we have what we were planning to have for dinner tomorrow instead? But no, I was greedy. That's what disturbs me about all this, just how I am so obsessed with food. I didn't WANT to tell him I'd already eaten enough for the day, because then that would mean he'd know I'd had a really bad food day, and maybe he'd even suggest that I skip dinner altogether, or just have some fruit or something...

Anyway, all I can do now is hope that I can have two good food days before Monday's weigh in. Oh, except that my parents have invited us for a roast dinner on Sunday, and of course we've said yes. My parents always make a LOT of food, but at least they generally have everything set out on the table so you can help yourself. I'll just have to be strict with myself and not put a mountain of roast potatoes and three Yorkshire puddings on my plate like I normally would. Another test of my fragile willpower...