Saturday, 15 September 2012

Week 2 Weigh-In Result!

I think I've ruined 2 weeks of progress in 5 days of pigging out.

But I'll get to that in a bit. Firstly, I need to update you all with last Monday's weigh-in:

I lost 1lb this week! My current weight is 202.4lbs.

At least, that's what I weighed on the 10th. I didn't get a chance to update my blog because I went off to Center Parcs with M, my parents and my brother, and only got back yesterday. (For those of you not in the UK, Center Parcs is a holiday village type thing in a forest setting where you can cycle about and do various outdoor activities). You'd think on paper that sounds like an excellent opportunity to get some exercise in, right? The thing is, they also have a lot of restaurants. And my family - they like to eat. A LOT. I know I can't blame them for letting my eating plan go out the window, as much as I want to. But go out the window is exactly what it did.

I have to give myself credit for doing well in the first day and a half. The first day, I was mindful of what I ate, and didn't particularly make any bad choices. Nothing too bad. The second day, I woke up and did a kettlebell workout followed by a protein shake and some raisin bran. Sounds good, right? I was feeling proud of myself at that point. And then that's when it all went to crap. From Tuesday lunchtime to Friday evening (last night), I ate. A lot. Yesterday was probably the worst day for me, because I realised what I'd got myself in to, and kept on eating because I knew that today would be a new start and I might as well just pig out for the rest of the day.

And so, to assess the damage of the last five days, I stepped on the scales this morning and it said 205.4lbs. Back to square one, you might say. The thought of having undone all my hard work over the last couple of weeks is not a good one. I wish I could remember that when I'm considering eating something I shouldn't. My greed appalls me - it overcomes any rational thought that comes my way.

But anyway, I'm not as distraught about my weight this morning as I would have been in the past. For a start, I know I'm not back at square one. Nope. I still have my blog here. It clearly says that my starting date was on August 27th! I can't just delete this and start over (though that's what I've done in the past, several times!). I'm sticking with this. For better or worse, I'm doing my Week 3 weigh-in on Monday. If I'm up, then I'm up. No more starting over.

Putting aside my weight issues for a moment, I had a great time at Center Parcs. M and I took full advantage of all the activities and we did kayaking, cycling, swimming, archery, rowing, mini golf and segway racing. We also did a treetop assault course kind of thing, which was really high up in the trees and you had to wear a harness thing which was attached to a safety line which followed the route of the course. And at the end, we went on a zipline through the trees which went at 35mph! I'd never done anything like that before. It was really fun. I was anxious about doing it, because I'm fat, but I checked that I was under the maximum weight limit, and I was, so I decided to give it a go. Actually, I think I was more anxious because I thought that the instructor might mention my weight, or the people doing the same activity might look at me and wonder what I was doing there. The reality was that the instructor was lovely, and that there were only a couple of other people doing the course at the same time as us, so it was an ideal situation. I had such a fun time. I have some photos somewhere, perhaps I'll post a couple soon.

I did a beginners archery lesson, which was really fun. M, my dad and my brother did it too - and we all really enjoyed it. I definitely want to join the archery club when I go back to uni, as does M. It'd be nice to have a shared hobby that gets us out of the house. I don't know about M, but I felt quite deflated when I got back home. We pretty much just sat around all day watching tv, because there was nothing else to do. I want that to change. I want to be involved in things that require me to get out of the house and do things, and be around people. That's another big reason for wanting to lose weight and get fit. I want to be an outdoors person. I hate, hate spending so much time indoors sitting there, watching awful tv. I want to be active and fit and enjoy life. I want to stop being a spectator.

I want my parents to see me as a fit person. This really frustrates me, but my parents - particularly my mother - seems to think that I'm just like her, in that I'm overweight, weak-willed and powerless to change my ways. I love her, but she is most definitely a spectator of life. She constantly complains about her weight holding her back, but never makes any effort to change things. She made a couple of comments this week and I just wanted to scream, "I'm not in the same category as you!" I actually WANT to do something about my weight and fitness. I'm TRYING. I feel disappointed in myself that I ended up pigging out this week, because it showed her that I'm still weak around food.

It's hugely motivating to imagine myself being fit and slim and having my parents finally realise that I'm not in the 'fat person' category any more. I'm not like them. I wish I could have used that thought to stop me from over-eating this week. But I also know that I'm a food addict and that as much as I need to have willpower, I need to make things as easy as possible for myself by not being surrounded by temptation.

As a result of this week, I've decided to get serious. Really serious. This is what it's going to take for me to lose weight. I can't do anything with a half-arsed attitude any more, because it's too dangerous. I have to try and fully commit to a new healthy lifestyle, or I'll always just slip back into my old ways. I joined My Fitness Pal a couple of weeks ago, and the amount of support I've received on there has been amazing. And these people inspire me to work harder, because they definitely all seem to be putting more effort in than I have been. I haven't been posting my food diary on there because MFP is all very calorie-based, but I think I might count calories in addition to Pro Points. And I want to start using my Magical Spreadsheet again - it calculates my daily protein, carb and fat percentages. I want to start paying attention to the type of food I'm eating and aim for a daily intake of 40% protein, 30% carbs and 30% fat. I'll continue to do my kettlebell workouts three times a week, but I want to add in a daily cardio workout. I'd love to get back into running, but it just doesn't feel good at my weight, so for now I'll just use the cross-trainer.

This has been a huge post, so I'll end it here. The bottom line is that I screwed up this week, big-time. But I'm hanging in there and I'm not starting over!


  1. You have accepted your gain very well, its good sign, it shows your serious about doing this. Better to have it now at start then in 6 weeks time when your further down the line and its more likely to do damage. Stay on track this week and do exercise and you'll be surprised at how quickly it comes off.

    S xx

  2. I think accepting that you've gone off track is the best way to move on and make some progress. The key to weight loss is to never give up, you can do it!